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 Tuxedo Mistress's A Kiss

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Tuxedo Mistress
Lotus Crystal

Tuxedo Mistress

Lotus Crystal

Title : That girl with a Sailor Jupiter tattoo =)
Posts : 10799
Join date : 2012-07-25
Age : 31
Location : São Paulo/Brazil


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PostSubject: Tuxedo Mistress's A Kiss   Tuxedo Mistress's A Kiss I_icon_minitime24th August 2012, 11:28 am

Please review/suggest things. Inspired by the song So Beautiful, by Savage Garden and the theme of the 6th Writing Contest, "Treading through the sultry grass". =) (no, this isn't the one I sent to the contest, this an extra one). Also, thanks to Whitehexe for being my beta reviewer =)

The young couple was strolling around, hand in hand, through the park. The weather was so hot that they were spraying water from helicopters. It fell on the couple, making them a bit wet. Her school uniform was slightly see through. As much as he was delighted with the view, this was for his eyes only and ONLY when she gets older. He removed his shirt, a black one, and made her put on.

"Mamo-chan, you don't have to."

"Yes, I do. I don't want anyone seeing you like this."

"But what are you going to wear?"

"I can walk like this. It is hot anyway."

He looked at her. She was sexier than ever. Those bright blue eyes and those pink lips parting as if she wanted a kiss - a kiss he couldn't ever deny. They sat on the grass, opened their picnic bag, fixed everything and then he kissed her. It was the most amazing kiss ever – soft and warm; her mouth welcoming him.

His tongue made its way to her mouth and as she responded, he realized that she was really the one for him. it made his day perfect, because she was there and because he understood his feelings, at last.

"I love you, Mamo-chan."

"I love you too, Usako. You're my everything."

"You know, the way you look at me, I feel so special, so beautiful. It's like I'm everything you see."

"Because you are my everything, and you are so beautiful. When I'm not with you, I lose my illusions - I feel drowned in confusion. But you can make all the bad things go away. I'm scared of this, my Usako, I don't understand this, but I don't want this to ever end. I want to be with you for all eternity."

"I don't understand what I'm feeling as well, but I never want this to end. You are my life, my star; the only occupant in my heart. I love you, so, so much!" she threw herself at him, kissing him one more time.

That kiss was different, that kiss was wild, and secure. It didn't even seem to be that little girl kissing him. She was ravishing his mouth, her tongue slit inside his. It felt incredible. He held her very close to him and when she touched his 6-pack, skin on skin, he nearly lost it. It was too much. The girl was also having different sensations.

"Usagi, we have to stop."

"But I don't want to. I want to leave the park and go to your place."

"Oh, you'll be the death of me."

And feeling that the "showing her body when she gets older" could kiss his chibi, he took her to his apartment.

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Tuxedo Mistress's A Kiss Makotochan
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Last edited by Tuxedo Mistress on 23rd May 2013, 11:06 pm; edited 5 times in total
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Joshua916
Pyramidal Crystal

Joshua916

Pyramidal Crystal

Posts : 491
Join date : 2012-08-20
Age : 34
Location : California


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PostSubject: Re: Tuxedo Mistress's A Kiss   Tuxedo Mistress's A Kiss I_icon_minitime24th August 2012, 11:47 am

Very sensual, and it does fit the topic that was given for the writing contest. Though the names are still foreign to me, I had the feeling I knew who you were talking about. (Its most unfortunate I only remember the English names)

You have a good knack for writing out fine details in your story MiMako, and I wish you well in the story contest...even if this isn't the story you entered for the contest, it was a nice read regardless. Please keep up the excellent work.
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Tuxedo Mistress
Lotus Crystal

Tuxedo Mistress

Lotus Crystal

Title : That girl with a Sailor Jupiter tattoo =)
Posts : 10799
Join date : 2012-07-25
Age : 31
Location : São Paulo/Brazil


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PostSubject: Re: Tuxedo Mistress's A Kiss   Tuxedo Mistress's A Kiss I_icon_minitime24th August 2012, 11:51 am

Thank you!

I got inspired by the theme. The one I submitted is more innocent and it's on Mamoru's POV(Darien's POV), like my usual writing. I have two more fics here on the writer's part, if you want to check out =) And thanks once again for reading and reviewing.

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Joshua916
Pyramidal Crystal

Joshua916

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Age : 34
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PostSubject: Re: Tuxedo Mistress's A Kiss   Tuxedo Mistress's A Kiss I_icon_minitime24th August 2012, 11:54 am

Its not a problem. I always love reading stories that friends write, and I would have felt guilty if I didn't at least read it after opening the link. Your title had me curious and I'm glad to have read it. Very Happy If I can find the other stories I'll read them sometime today. I still have problems finding my way around this board xD
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Tuxedo Mistress
Lotus Crystal

Tuxedo Mistress

Lotus Crystal

Title : That girl with a Sailor Jupiter tattoo =)
Posts : 10799
Join date : 2012-07-25
Age : 31
Location : São Paulo/Brazil


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PostSubject: Re: Tuxedo Mistress's A Kiss   Tuxedo Mistress's A Kiss I_icon_minitime24th August 2012, 11:57 am


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Joshua916
Pyramidal Crystal

Joshua916

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Age : 34
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PostSubject: Re: Tuxedo Mistress's A Kiss   Tuxedo Mistress's A Kiss I_icon_minitime24th August 2012, 12:16 pm

Thank you for the links. I'll check them out. ^^
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Luna Nova
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Luna Nova

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Title : Dubbed the Official Second Usagi/Bunny ^^and Official Anzamoon
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PostSubject: Re: Tuxedo Mistress's A Kiss   Tuxedo Mistress's A Kiss I_icon_minitime24th August 2012, 6:59 pm

Great job! Your writing clearly depicts the passion felt by Usako and Mamoru. Mamoru seems a little perverted in the way you describe how he looks at Usagi's uniform but then protective when he covers her with his shirt. So I have mixed feelings about the character in this instance.

But your writing style is a pleasure to read! I feel like I am watching them from across the park or on a film they way you use imagery! Great job!

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Tuxedo Mistress
Lotus Crystal

Tuxedo Mistress

Lotus Crystal

Title : That girl with a Sailor Jupiter tattoo =)
Posts : 10799
Join date : 2012-07-25
Age : 31
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PostSubject: Re: Tuxedo Mistress's A Kiss   Tuxedo Mistress's A Kiss I_icon_minitime24th August 2012, 7:08 pm

well, Mamoru may be a gentleman, but he's still a guy... and oh, well... boys will be boys. but he's a gentleman and very protective, so he gives her his t-shirt. I mean, he could have let her walk around like that. but he wouldn't.

and thank you for the compliments about my writing. I really like it =)
(but I do blush a LOT)

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Luna Nova
Lotus Crystal

Luna Nova

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Title : Dubbed the Official Second Usagi/Bunny ^^and Official Anzamoon
Posts : 2817
Join date : 2012-07-19
Age : 24

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PostSubject: Re: Tuxedo Mistress's A Kiss   Tuxedo Mistress's A Kiss I_icon_minitime24th August 2012, 7:09 pm

Haha, yeah they are aren't they? I just wasn't sure how you wanted to convey his character. But I like they way you did it! Smile

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Cerechan
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PostSubject: Re: Tuxedo Mistress's A Kiss   Tuxedo Mistress's A Kiss I_icon_minitime24th August 2012, 7:25 pm

Spot on mako! This was a great fic with a very adult feel to their relationship without going into that whole adult theme even though I kind of get the feeling you may that type of writer Wink I enjoyed it!

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Tuxedo Mistress
Lotus Crystal

Tuxedo Mistress

Lotus Crystal

Title : That girl with a Sailor Jupiter tattoo =)
Posts : 10799
Join date : 2012-07-25
Age : 31
Location : São Paulo/Brazil


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PostSubject: Re: Tuxedo Mistress's A Kiss   Tuxedo Mistress's A Kiss I_icon_minitime24th August 2012, 7:33 pm

thanks!
actually, I only wrote one adult adult fic. it was in Portuguese, 'cause it is easier for me, and I felt ashamed after publishing it. It was also very graphic. one of them(didn't publish here, only on fanfiction.net) is also like this, has an adult theme without being graphic. but the other two I posted here(and the one I sent to the contest) are very sweet and romantic and even a bit naive.

thanks again =)

do you think this is PG13 or less? i really don't know how to work with the ratings.

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PostSubject: Re: Tuxedo Mistress's A Kiss   Tuxedo Mistress's A Kiss I_icon_minitime24th August 2012, 7:35 pm

I would say PG13 since you went into detail about the tongue and the suggestive theme.

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Tuxedo Mistress
Lotus Crystal

Tuxedo Mistress

Lotus Crystal

Title : That girl with a Sailor Jupiter tattoo =)
Posts : 10799
Join date : 2012-07-25
Age : 31
Location : São Paulo/Brazil


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PostSubject: Re: Tuxedo Mistress's A Kiss   Tuxedo Mistress's A Kiss I_icon_minitime24th August 2012, 7:49 pm

thank you! =)

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