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 Just a Spare?

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sailor swifty
Lotus Crystal

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Lotus Crystal

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PostSubject: Just a Spare?   9th June 2014, 9:05 am

SO, I fixed up the story I wrote for the fairy tale contest.  enjoy

So this is a Song fic, using "more then a Spare" a Song that was written for Anna but not used in the movie, I changed a few words to fit the story

Fourteen year old Hans walks though the Halls. The Things his brothers say to him go thorough his mind. His brothers were picking on him again, and three of them were still pretending he didn't exist, it has be going on for a year.

His dad is too busy with his three oldest brothers, teaching them how to be a king and his mom passed away five years ago because she became very sick. He has Twelve older brothers, meaning he was last in line for the throne 

He continues to walk down the hall, he stops and looks in a mirror, and fixes his messy auburn hair. Then the words of what his Brothers said enter his mind. " you're just a Spare Hans" the voice mocks
"Spare...? Am I really just the spare" he asks himself before singing

I’m not part of the town, not born to be King
Just somebody hopelessly in-between
they are scholars, athletes, and poets
I’m the screw up, don’t I know it
But then who could ever compare?

Of course they’re gonna think I’m just the spare
Well I won’t care

*he sits sideways on the railing of the big stair case and slides down the railing of the stairs*

So I’m the extra button on a coat
In case another one comes loose
But if I have to be a button
Why can't I be a button that’s of use?
*smacks self in the face*. "oops!"
I may lack style and I may lack grace
And once in a while I might fall on my face
 *Trips over a bunched up rug and falls over.. then he gets back up*
But this little button deserves a place in the sky
This button wants to fly *giggles* Wait, buttons can’t fly, it doesn't make any sense!



*he then walks into the Barn* "hello there Boy" Reaches up and pets a horse on his nose "At lest someone notices me" *he then starts to sing again*

So I’m a rusty horseshoe hanging up
Over somebody’s old barn door
And I’ll be hanging there forever
Just wishing the horse had one leg more
And maybe I can’t be the perfect one
And maybe I run on the side of fun
But horseshoes need a chance to run somewhere
This horseshoe is more than just a spare


*he leaves the barn and with a horse and he walks across a bridge and looks into the water, looking at his reflection*

Someday I’ll find my thing
A thing that’s on my own
That thing that makes me part of something
Not just all alone
If only all this feeling I have in my heart
Could mean something to someone, how I’d love to play that part



*he then gets on the horse and heads up a hill that over looks the kingdom*

So I’m just the thirteenth born brother
Who most of the town ignores
Like a button, like a horseshoe
Like a boy who’s bad at metaphors
maybe I don’t have a talent as such 
*He over looks the kingdom,*
Just this heart with much too much to share
So I’ll never be the heir, but I’m more than just a spare___


The wind blows through his hair. "one day I'll be something great, just wait and you'll see" he said looking up at the sky "I will be something, great and make you proud mama" he says

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Last edited by sailor swifty on 9th June 2014, 2:06 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Phantom53
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PostSubject: Re: Just a Spare?   9th June 2014, 10:06 am

It seems like a nice songfic, though I just me honest, I haven't seen Frozen.

Though I'd like to point out some typos at the start:

Fourteen year old Hans walks though the Halls and thoughts go through his mind.

That last part is a little redundant and perhaps could have been phrased better.

with his three oldest brother, teaching them how to be a King


There is a conflict in tense there. Are you talking about multiple or just one. Also, "king" does not need to be capitalized here since in that case it is not used as a proper noun.

he stops and looks in a Mirror, and fixes his messy Auburn hair, then the words of what his Brothers said enter his mind. " your just a Spare Hans" the voice mocks

Those first three words are not proper nouns, so they should not be capitalized. And with that last one, that should be "you're".

Still. not bad at all.
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sailor swifty
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PostSubject: Re: Just a Spare?   9th June 2014, 2:01 pm

Thanks, I shall fix those, i also notice some how i left out some lyrics XD    i'm trying to make sure my grammar is good but sometimes i don't catch everything

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Phantom53
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PostSubject: Re: Just a Spare?   9th June 2014, 2:07 pm

My pleasure. Besides, everybody needs feedback here. I'm just tried to offer what little I could.
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sailor swifty
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Posts : 3200
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Age : 28
Location : Arendelle


PostSubject: Re: Just a Spare?   9th June 2014, 9:16 pm

Yes, feedback is good Smile

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